Reality of Adventure

And here is what that means. This is our story of adoption. 

We had always talked about adoption and it’s something I had wanted to do since I was younger. 

So, when we were travelling in 2015, we got engaged and I decided I wanted to train as a primary school teacher. 

This then influenced our decision to adopt first and then consider IUI/IVF after as then I could complete my training and start to establish my career. That decision was everything and the stars aligned. (Needless to say, having adopted twins, we’re not having anymore children!) 

We returned from travel in September 2016, engaged and with jobs but nowhere to live (we were staying with Kel’s parents!) 

We planned our wedding for December 2017 and by February we had a house, so we went along to an adoption open morning in March, ready to find out more about the next steps of our life together. 

We spoke to someone and they actually told us to come back after we were married as a wedding was a huge undertaking and they were unsure we would be able to commit to both. We were devastated. We didn’t believe that we couldn’t do it all.

Fast forward a few weeks when the emotion has settled down, we accepted the decision to wait and made new plans we were happy with. 

September 2017 rolls around, I start my PGCE, the wedding is in December and we are sure the decision to wait is right – thankfully the staff at the adoption information session knew what they were talking about!  

Saturday 16th December 2017 – we get married and on Tuesday 2nd January 2018 our ‘Registration of interest to adopt’ form is in the post – yes we had already filled it out, even amidst the pre-wedding chaos! 

Within a couple of weeks, we had spoken to someone on the phone and arranged an initial meeting with him and a social worker – not necessarily the person who would be our social worker but it turned out that she was, which felt like a good start. 

We then embarked on weekly meetings with our social worker and began our group training sessions. We met lots of great people, some who actually then decided that adoption wasn’t right for them at the time and the lady who delivered the training was superb. She was adopted as a child and was so knowledgeable as well as realistic. 

So continued the training and weekly meetings until around September. We had passed the house checks, financial checks, mental health checks and moved through stage one and two without too much disruption – apart from the beast from the east storm which meant some training was delayed. 

Our weekly meetings were often together but we had some separate and they asked questions about absolutely everything!! We diligently did our homework every week and our adoption journey became part of our nightly conversations. How are you feeling? What do you think about this? I wasn’t sure what it meant when…etc.

We are both the kind of people who like to do things to the best of our ability and this was no different. 

Part of the system to help people match to correct children, provides an evening where you can look at profiles and speak to social workers of children in the system. It felt like a careers fair for children. It broke me. 

By September we were heading to ‘approval panel.’ A group of people who come from all

walks of life as well as specialists in the field of adoption – much like a school governors board. 

We passed – with flying colours! 

The very next day our social worker came round with the profiles of some children. Someone whose job it is to help match children to families (a family finder) had handed our social workers  profile on her way out the door. Printed on a single sheet of A4 and with a black and white photo at the top – she didn’t have time to go to the colour printer. 

It was the profile of our twins. 

We fell in love instantly. 

We were given the full CPR report (child’s permanence record – a file of all their info) to read and within 24hours our minds had not been changed. We knew they were the little girls for us. An all girl family (dog included!) One blonde, one dark haired – just like Kel and I. Their life story was identical to each other – something they would always be able to share and talk about. 

We met with the girls social workers, the family finder and our social worker to see if we were a good fit. They had spent 18-days in hospital before moving to the foster carers home, where they had been loved and cared for wonderfully. 

 It was such a hard meeting because we were already in love with them, so it had to go well.

We were successful and recommended for matching panel with them; due for November for a move before Christmas. 

The countdown had begun! Kel was to take adoption leave and I had managed to organised 4-weeks full pay off work that ran into the school Christmas holidays – still as an NQT mind; teaching Year 6!

We met the girls for the first time on Saturday 20th October 2018 – I will never forget that day because we then had a wedding to go to and I was heartbroken. I spent the whole wedding fighting back tears that we’d had to leave. 

They were perfect. 

Marching panel eventually rolled around. We had to meet the paediatrician on the morning of the panel because there was no other time. Nothing he could say would change our minds so it was just a matter of going through the motions. 

They approved us as a match! We were doubley lucky as there was a chairperson residing over the hearing, who was also able to ratify the decision immediately, rather than the 2 weeks it was supposed to take. This meant we could start the introduction sessions straight away. This would eventually lead to them moving in after around 2 weeks. 

We were besotted…and exhausted! Two weeks was reduced to 10-days to suit the foster carer (who was and is amazing!) and the fact we were driving over an hour each way for the visits – sometimes twice a day. 

Wednesday 5th December 2018 they moved in permanently. We picked them up around 9am, with the remainder of their belongings and drove towards our forever. 

A forever, all together. 

It’s been 7 years since that day and we are forever thankful that we ended up together, that we get to raise two beautiful, kind and smart girls, that we get to be their mummies forever and that we get to be next to them as they process their life story. 

So, to anyone who is thinking about it, going through it or has done it; you are seen, you are incredible and we are changing lives ❤️